Ever felt like your going insane? im there, i dont know whats wrong with me!!!!! ARGHHHH"£$%£%£$%!!!!
I just cant seem to get rid of this nagginf feeling of ompending doom! jesus CHRIST! why cant i just accept that hes telling the truth? that he wont forget me and leave me...even when he goes to uni....DAMMIT!

Right now im taking solace in the sweet voice of pete wentz.....*breathe dammit*

"one more night, one more time
thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
he tastes like you even sweeter!"

Im just goin to wear myself out....i feel so tired....the thing is i KNOW im wrong to doubt him, that i can trust him....theres just something in me that wont let up....a little voice sayin that everythin gona go wrong...that hes goin to leave me because im not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough.....

damn insecurities.......

Anyway im off to dinner, laters x

How me is a feelin: distressed

Well hey all i havent updated in....welll.....a while, but theres not a whole lot goin on in my life, work sucks as usual an ive been bored. OOh im looking for a new job at asda (night shift) cos they pay £7.50 and hour!! which would be a hell of a lot better than the £4.50 im on now!

The biggest thing in my life has probably just been reading slash again, of the star wars variety (obi-wan/anakin) and lovin it too!! *points at icon* they kiss dammit!!!! "££$%£^%^*%£*&*)$$""!!!!

I miss my friends, and Q came back from florida today!!! so i shouldnt be as lonely, ive also been hangin round with paul loads (hes a little girly boy thats likes to go bra shoping with his lil girly pals) which has been fun.

Cant wait to go back to uni actually, if just to see everyone, its strange i settled into that life then had to change i hate it when that happens. But still its nice to be home.

So i suppose talk to you freaks later!!!(i dont mean to be offensive, i just want to say talk to y'all later.....*cringes*)

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: Fine

OMFG!!!!!!!!

I BOUGHT A DS!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE CUTEST GAME EVER!!!!!

*cough* so yeah i bought a ds AND this game called nintendogs where you have this lil puppy an you take care of it and its sooooooo CUTE!!!!

Cant wait to get it!!!! *thinks cant wait to get Gabriel either* And Q got one too!!! and the puppy game!!! so double the cuteness!!!

*dances stupidly and runs away*

BYES!!!

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: WAIIIIII

I made me a final fantasy boys music video today! *does happy dance*

I'm so proud! if you wanna download it you can go to kyo_yami's lj and get it there! (i'm useless at using you send it)

So eah nighty night!!

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: Acomplished

Well yeah im tired, and Johns goin on about sumthin weird.....

Anywhos my lifes mmmmmkay......im about £500 into my over draft and £390 is coming out today, which will leave me with about £110 give or take.

So im screwed yeah, but i came to the conclusion last night that if i got myself into this mess i can get myself out! *is determined* i even made myself a little list in my heads of things that im not going to do:

1. No spending money on anything other than food

2. Work as many hours as i can

3. Get a better paying job

4. Study more (atleast an hour a day)

5. Exercise more (and eat healthily)


So that be my little list of things i must do, but really its not that bad, you can alwways fix your problems if you try and put your mind to it!!

OOOOOOOHHHHH and i saw the magic round about movie on sunday, was AMAZIN!! SOOOOOO funny!!! Dillan is such a stoner, and damn there are alot of drug references in there!! hehe!

So yeah byes for now dudios!!

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: Acomplished

HANSON ROCK YEAH!!!! *headbangs to mmmbop*

KICK HIM IN THE CROTCH AND RUNNNNN!

*runs away screaming*

How me is a feelin: Crazy

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

How me is a feelin: Calm

Well its that time of the week again where im sat in the library with Q-Chan atempting to do my essay, for my A rough guide to the universe course (damn i couldnt even remeber the name....) And yeah as im currently updating my lj i bet you can guess how good thats going ^-^;

So meh my lifes good yeah, good friends, new house for next year with cool peoples, my mum an dad love me (hugs dad lots for buying me shopping)

But i am a little on the broke side....well ALOT on the broke side actually but im trying to ignore that minor detail.....

Anyway gotta go Q's gona log me of....BITCH FACE HOE MOTHERFUCKER TARD FACE!!!

HAHA!

byes!!

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: Giggly

In the friends of my good mate Rav it may seem like im gayin this whole sittuation up with this song.....but it is like how i feel....its hard to explain....now in the previous few entries ive gotten my anger out now alls i feels is pain......sorrow.....loss and like ive been betrayed....some people may think the only person i care about is my boyfriend....but their wrong....i care for my friends...and there was one especially but i dont think the feeling was ever mutual. But hey i cared but i suppose i'll just have to get over that....



Here I am on
The phone again and
Awkward silence is
On the other end

I used to know
The sound of a smile
In your voice
But right now
All I feel
Is the pain of the fighting
Starting up again

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind (on my mind)
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us through it every time (after time, after time)

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

Some say that
Time changes
Best friends can
Become strangers
But I don't want that
No not for you
If you just stay with me
We can make it through

So here we are again
Same old arguement
And now I'm wondering
If things'll ever change, yeah

When will you laugh again?
Laugh like you did back when
We made noise till 3 am
And the neighbors would complain

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind (on my mind)
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us through it every time (after time, after time)

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin' down
I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin' down
Down, down, down

Don't say a word
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

(Please) Don't say a word
I know you feel the same (don't leave)
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
(Please) Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay (don't leave)
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

How me is a feelin: Dissapointed

Just a warning that my previous entry is a rant and lots of nastiness, i dont want to offend some people or loose them as friends, but i finally had to ay something and not sit back and take shit in my face.....so to anyone who chooses to read the long angsty entry iam sorry if you hate me, but just because someone hates me doesnt mean i'll feel the same way....

Love n stuff

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: Anxious

Thats it finito ive had e'fucking nuff of the shit some people are giving to me behind my back, well i say behind its a direct FUCKING JAB IN THE FACE!!!!

If you have something to say to me (and you god damn well know who you are) then FUCKING SAY IT!!!

Ive been noticin a few things lately one of them being that so called 'friends' and i do use that term loosely, dont give a shit or a FLYING FUCK! about me, yes a tad selfish i know but usuallly i like my friends to care whether or not im alive!

Im fed up of picking other people up when their down and getting DICK ALL IN RETURN!!!

You know what? im shaking with rage, i swear this is it certain people can go fuck themselves up their bratty selfish little assholes!!!

No my life aint bad and im enjoying that at the moment, and if some friends cared enough to ask how i was feeling they'd know that a little while back my life was SHIT! But its been picking up lately as i feel like im doing better with my course and my life is going more my way, which it never usually does as im one of those people that tends not to learn as fast or as well as others.

So yeah maybe if some people remembered what they had rather than just focusing on what they've got now then they would realise that you cant just throw away something old because youve found something new and shinier!

Oh and does it make me a bitch for wanting to go out with my friend? well some people seem to think it does, so what if i want to go out with certain people and i try really hard to get them to go? its because its someone i care about but i guess they're to blind to see it, and i feel quite hurt that someone would refuse to go out with me after going out with others on a regular basis (if someone has reasons not to then fair enough) but it hurts me and im fed up of being hurt by someone that doesnt care about me.....Damn i feel like im in a relationship......

So i suppose this is the end of the supposed 'relationship' because thats what a friendship is, its not just one person tryin and constantly being knocked back and ignored....so i give up and feel guilty/ashamed/relieved that ive said all ive said, quite a few people will hate me yes buts i suppose thats a test of friendship, they're decision not mine.

So to those who care i love you all and will see you on monday (or wednesday if your Anto or Bert!)
And the person whom this rant concerns you no doubt know who you are and are free to bitch about me without beating around the issue, and i will have words in person as im not the kind of onna that would bitch about someone on lj or to anyone else for that matter and then not do anything about it.

Anyway do excuse the swearing and this is not aimed at all of my friends, though they probably arent now...but ive had people hate me before so i supose i'll just have to deal with it. Sorry as well in advance for when people read this, its not an attack on everyone i know, just wanted to make that clear.

By for know, and probably bye forever to some.....

Shin xxx

How me is a feelin: PISSED THE FECK OFF!!

IAM SO IN FREEKIN AMERICA!!! *AHHHHHHHH*

it rocks the shiz niz it truly does, that an ive been awake for more than 24 hours......but ive spent 8 on a plane and the rest either waiting in ques *no not YOU Q* (or havin fun.......) cos the americans are all anal about security.....they've got good reason like but when youve been on a plane for 8 hours and had to que for 2 hours before that it all kinda starts to peeve you off!

An yeah some family adopted me on the plane cos i was on my own....awwww......they were so nice!

So yeah im gonna try and sleep finally.....so.....

Sayonara for now my friends!!

Shinxxx

How me is a feelin: Bouncy

Well i felt the need to vent so here or there it was....i havent felt the need to vent in a while an ive been really busy with loadsa built up coursework and my oral karaeoke exam (which was muchos stressful by the way)

So yeah im gona go to my local gamestation with my lil sis an buy a new multiplayed game which is all about bein in a high school and surviving against....ZOMBIES! way groovy!

Anywho im off, must leave watching the brittas empire and bail forth!

Sayonara for now my friends!

Shinxxx

How me is a feelin: Drained

FIRSTS:
First best friend: Angela Moore
First real kiss: Michael Shelley
First break-up: Same as above
First screen name: hmmm......angelmerleah
First funeral: My Nan
First pets: my doggy Morgan!!!!
First piercing/tattoo: Ears
First enemy: Nadia friggin Owens....scummy cow.....
First big trip: When i went to either italy as a child or when i went to america to visit family
First musician you remember hearing: Billy Joe Spears....a country singer....

LASTS:
Last car ride: My Dad driving me home
Last kiss: Patrick....he he.....
Last good cry: A week an a half ago on poor Patricks shoulder....coursework can really put me on a downer
Last library book checked out: damn i think ive still got it.....erm at the start or term....*whistles innocently*
Last movie seen: The incredibles
Last beverage drank: Dr Pepper
Last food consumed: Chocolate number 5 from my thunderbirds advent calender
Last crush: erm.....Patrick??
Last phone call: Patrick again
Last time showered: Wee hours of yesterday morning
Last shoes worn: My scraggy old trainers pepe jones....i have no idea....
Last song played: Gundam wing- rhythm emotion remix
Last item bought: Maccys breakfast....sausage and egg mcmuffin
Last annoyance: Thinking back on the past
Last disappointment: Same
Last time wanting to die: last time i cried
Last time scolded: in work for standing around
Last shirt worn: my school of rock t-shirt
Last website visited: www.livejournal.com kinda obvious....but other than that play.com

Abortion?: i personally wouldnt but if someone else feels the need i wouldnt judge them for it
Prostitution?: there has to be another option......or at least thats what i like to think in my bubble
Alcohol?: yay! *cough*
Marijuana?: whatever floats ya boat i know people who smoke it....i dont class it as a drug though...
Other drugs?: depends....if it does harm then no...if not then have fun
Gay marriage?: *blinks* did *I* just get asked that question??

How me is a feelin: Content

I found this on my good friends Butterfltsteve an thought id give it a go......


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME

1. Being alone
2. Cockroaches
3. Failure

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND

1. Closed-minded people
2. “Fashion”
3. My damn Japanese coursework

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN

1. How to teach
2. Italian
3. How to please everyone (a tall order I know)

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW

1. My Kyou Sohma beads
2. White skinny T
3. Pale blue jeans with multiple patches

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Have a family
2. Own an anime store
3. Move away from this shit hole of a country

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

1. Im not an emotionally strong person
2. If I love someone I’ll pretty much let them walk all over me
3. Im a sucker for cute things

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST

1. Shize
2. Don’t make me bite you
3. ….yaoi….heh heh

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO

1. Hide museum (Japan)
2. Baton rouge (USA)
3. Home

THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY

1. Shin
2. Lar
3. err….Leah I suppose…..

NUMBER OF...

piercings = 3

tattoos = 0

height = 5'6

shoe size = 6

hair color = brown with a blonde streak at the front

siblings = 4, 3 sisters 1 brother

LAST...

movie you rented = House of a thousand corpses

movie you bought = Dark crystal

song you listened to = Psycho le cemu- ai no uta

song that was stuck in your head = Friggin nightmare before Christmas opening song

cd you bought = Psycho le cemu- frontiers

cd you listened to = HIM: Good charlotte new album

person that's called you = Ben mason

tv show you've watched = some weird spelling contest for kids on bbc

dumb thing you've done = Fell asleep instead of doing my coursework….. ^_^;

DO...

you wish you could live somewhere else = HELL YES!! Who wouldn’t want to be somewhere else???

E-dating = erm….not really

you want more piercings = YAY!!!

you like cleaning = *BLINKS* Does ANYONE?

you like roller coasters = bounces up an down happily yes yes yes yes!!!

you write in cursive or print = Cursive


FAVORITE...

food = macaroni and cheese oooh donner kebabs too…..im hungry…..
song = "Poison Girl"

thing to do = listen to music an spend time with the people I love

thing to talk about = slash….yep have to agree with butterfly steve on that one!!

sports = QUIDDITCH RULES! (And Lacrosse hehehe! Blatant Fanfic LINK there.) “ooooooooh yessssss!!!! I don’t even have to change this one…heh heh”

drinks = Dr Pepper an lucozade

clothes = jeans an skinny t’s with nice designs on

movies = HORROR!!! At the moment it’s the grudge remake

singer = Psycho le cemu, L’Arc en ciel…….an a shize load more

holiday = Im a typical….Christmas actually more specifically boxing day


NUMBER...

of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends = 3-4

of people I consider my enemies = erm……3 at most I think….

of times my name has appeared in the newspaper = 4 or 5….when I was younger an stuff

of scars on my body = Quite a few of them…..i tend to hurt myself at every given opportunity….

car accidents = none

How me is a feelin: Blank